In 2005, UltraWifeBot and I decided on a whim to record a few Christmas songs to share with our friends and family, including a selection from The Nutcracker. We continued the tradition in 2006 with version 2.0, which met considerable critical acclaim.
After taking 2007 off to regroup (also giving me a chance to learn how to use my new computer after the old one melted), we came back in 2008 with a newly expanded range of featured contributors, including brobots LukeMoTron and BenDroid 5000 on select tracks.
For the 2009 collection, I was really down to the wire, finishing mastering during the afternoon of Christmas Eve. LukeMoTron lent me his guitar skills once again, and even persuaded his girlfriend EllenOMatic to do some singing on Waltz of the Snowflakes. Although last minute, I think the songs still came out pretty well.
If you feel like embarking on the silly yuletide adventure with us, here are some MP3s for you to download (right click the links to save them to your computer). If you scroll down a little bit, I’ve also included the lyrics to the UltraJoeBot originals.
We Wish You a Binary Christmas and a Happy New York (2005):
01. Chinese Tea Dance (from The Nutcracker)
02. Snow
03. Do You Hear What I Hear?
04. Lo How a Rose E’er Blooming
05. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
We Wish You a Binary Christmas 2.0 (2006):
01. Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy (from The Nutcracker)
02. Coming Home
03. Carol of the Cat
04. Wonderful Christmastime
05. O Holy Night
We Wish You a Binary Christmas 3.0 (2008):
01. March (from The Nutcracker)
02. Fat Suit
03. NYC/XMAS
04. Christmas Time is Here
05. The Drive Home 12/24
We Wish You a Binary Christmas 4.0 (2009):
01. Waltz of the Snowflakes (from The Nutcracker)
02. Wish List
03. Christmas Cookies
04. I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In
05. O Come All Ye Faithful
LYRICS
Snow (2005)
This tree line goes past car windows
And it’s getting to the point where I can almost feel my toes
And the fire glows on these marshmallows
But she’s nowhere to be found, she’s still outside in her wet clothes
Hoping it snows
The moon will show what we all know
With our eyes turned toward the sky as all the lines of traffic slow
From the ground below, watching snow clouds grow
Til the moment when it starts, our arms stretched out to catch the snow
I hope it snows
Coming Home (2006)
We are coming home for
Present in a bag with my name on the tag
I wonder what could be inside
Don’t open it yet lest you forget
What happens when the rules are defied
We are coming home for
Take a ball of snow, wrap it in a bow
Could not think of anything, dear
Seems you must have missed my lengthy list
Maybe you’ll be more thoughtful next year
We are coming home for
Christmas
Carol of the Cat (2006)
Cricket’s a cat, she likes to scratch
She has gray hair, she has two ears
She likes catnip, she eats cat food
She does cat tricks, we pat her head
She caught a mouse and we threw it out
And it made her sad ’cause it was her friend
She ran and hid behind our new couch
And didn’t come out until dinnertime
Cricket wishes you a merry Christmas
Cricket’s a cat, she likes to smell
She ate my shoe, she runs around
She jumps up high, she likes to knead
She climbs sometimes, we pat her head
We gave her catnip and she liked it
And she ran into things by accident
She ran in circles, rolled on her back
And made funny sounds but she was OK
Cricket wishes you a merry Christmas
Fat Suit (2008)
After years of bad eating habits had taken their toll
My friend Dave finally learned to exhibit some self control
He put himself on a diet and he stuck to it all year
But now he’s got himself another problem from what I hear
At Christmastime, he answers the call
To dress up like Santa and work in the mall
But Dave don’t worry, it’s for the good of us all
I know you’re proud that you lost 30 pounds
And we’re all proud of you too
You showed us all what an overweight guy
With enough determination can do
And although your therapist says
Playing Santa again might be unwise
Put on the fat suit, Dave
It’s Christmas and we love you, whatever your size
My friend Dave’s metabolism’s right up there with his self esteem
He got some new athletic shoes and he joined a rowing team
He’s looking good and he’s feeling good and he’s looking good
But tradition beckons and he wonders if he should
At Christmastime, the pressure is high
To put on a fake beard instead of a tie
But Dave, you’d better not pout, I’m telling you why
I know you’re proud that you lost 30 pounds
And we’re all proud of you too
You showed us all what an overweight guy
With enough determination can do
And although your therapist says
Playing Santa again might be unwise
Put on the fat suit, Dave
It’s Christmas and we love you, whatever your size
NYC/XMAS (2008)
There are crowds gathered outside of Macy’s
Huddled close with their peppermint mochas
34th Street’s standing still, even more than usual
Well it’s finally cold in Manhattan
But there’s actually snow in Brooklyn
Though it probably won’t stay, it definitely won’t stay
I won’t walk across the Brooklyn Bridge in the snow
My feet are cold and my nose is cold
And there are so many more warm places we could go
I miss home but I love it here
Out-of-towners are all hypnotized by
The Rockettes and their synchronized kick lines
But they all become a blur from the upper balcony
And now everyone needs to go skating
Ever since the big Christmas tree lighting
People gladly stand in line to skate to an audience
I won’t window shop in Times Square in the snow
My feet are cold and my nose is cold
And there are so many more warm places we could go
I miss home but I love it here
I won’t wander through Central Park in the snow
My feet are cold and my nose is cold
And there are so many more warm places we could go
The same smell but a different sheen
It’s a somewhat peculiar scene
To see Gotham in red and green
Consumerism interpreted as holiday cheer
At least it comes but one time a year
I miss home but I love it here
The Drive Home 12/24 (2008)
These trees that line this street, their branches bowed
Beneath the weight of falling snow
Blanketing the night, this frozen dark
Enveloping the rows of
Frost-covered windows, lit by a fire’s glow
Flicker and fade in the rear view mirror
On the dark drive home, lulled by the snow tires’ hum
Seems like the heat never works til I’m already home
Back roads snow-blind
Silent except for the beat of the wipers against the windshield
Eyes closed in the back seat
Carried to sleep by the car’s periodic soft turns left and right
Approaching headlights blink out in sheets of snow
As the quiet grows, it’s freezing cold
Despite the layers, despite the heater’s groan
We’re chilled to our bones
Wish List (2009)
I think I’ve told you before
If you don’t make me a list well in advance
You never know
If you could prioritize
The list of items desired, high to low
That too would help
And I need help, you know I do
But you didn’t tell me
No baby you didn’t
Not even the slightest hint at what’s on your list this year
So when you open the box
And it’s not quite what you wanted, know at least
I did my best
And if that isn’t enough
And if you feel disappointed, let’s just say
We’ll learn from this
And we’ll avoid this mess next year
‘Cause you didn’t tell me
No baby you didn’t
Not even the slightest hint at what’s on your list this year
With only my instincts
And no point of reference
I don’t mean to make excuses here, I’m just trying to say
Make a list next year
Make a list next year
I’ll get you whatever you want baby
I’ll get you whatever you want baby
I’ll get you whatever you want
Just make me a list
Christmas Cookies (2009)
Toffee
Lemon bars
Gingerbread men
Coconut macaroons
Molasses crinkles
Peppermint snowballs
Rice krispy peanut butter bars
Gingersnaps
Almond truffles
Butterscotch brownies
Oatmeal fudge bars
Mint chocolate pinwheels
Eggnog snickerdoodles
Maple fudge
Raspberry rugelach
Chocolate chip blondies
Buckeyes
Peppermint bark
Mocha cheesecake squares
Meringue glazed caramel cinnamon bars
Popcorn balls
Pumpkin roll
And those tasty peanut butter cookies that have a Hershey’s kiss in the middle
Snow is my favorite, I think. So far.
Comment by Aryn 02.11.07 @ 3:50 pmI’m a big Christmas music fan and look everywhere for good stuff. This is some of the best! Love what you’re doing! Keep it up!
Comment by Zube 05.08.07 @ 7:32 pmYou missed a year. Hurry up, Half-Christmas is in 10 days.
Comment by Lüke 06.15.08 @ 1:36 pm1. this year rox.
Comment by Moya 12.25.08 @ 9:17 pm2. fat suit all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. you guys could make seerious money off of this
4. Aryn’s blooper is cut out of Christmas(Baby Please Come Home) we were all very disapointed
Hey joe,
this years album is great. “Drive Home” is one of my favorites out of everything. You should put out more or your original stuff that’s not x-mas, too. It’s been a few years. I like your choice in synth voices, and there’s something about your style that’s unique to anything i’ve heard.
Comment by Michael 12.29.08 @ 3:40 amHey, thanks Michael. Hopefully I’ll put up some newer songs one of these days. So so lazy …
Comment by UltraJoeBot 12.29.08 @ 7:48 amYOU GUYS ARE MY FAV WIFE/HUBBY DUO!!! Joseph, you continue to amaze, my friend.
Comment by Lauren 01.02.09 @ 5:25 pmYour mom just shared your website with us at work. I love “The Drive Home”. I love Aryn’s voice – get her in some solos.
Comment by Paula 01.07.09 @ 11:43 amThis has just made it on to my newly started Christmas music blog. Hope you don’t mind me using your Christmas picture.
Comment by Martin 11.10.09 @ 5:25 pmCool!
Comment by UltraJoeBot 11.11.09 @ 1:22 pmWow… Loved it. Nice work/
Comment by Nick 12.09.09 @ 5:35 pmrad…. mr brobot.
When we gonna rock out ?????
love
Comment by lagond 12.24.09 @ 10:23 pmlagond
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